10-4 Magazine - For Today's Trucker

JUNE 2006 TRUCKER TALK
TRUE TRUCKER STORIES
By Writers and Owner Operators Rod & Kim Grimm

We all know that fairy tales start out “Once upon a time,” and a good trucker story almost always starts out with, “You’re not going to believe this.” And if you’ve been on the road at least a week, you should already have at least one good story. For this collection of trucker stories, I have used drivers that I know and trust, because the best stories are the ones that are true. Some drivers make things up, but they can’t come close to the real thing! I have omitted all of the names to protect the guilty. So here are some great trucking stories from friends of ours. I’d like to thank everyone for sharing these stories printed here, along with the many others that I had to swear not to tell!

This driver has been off the road for a lot of years but I still love this story, and it goes along with the being truthful theme. He was heavy hauling and, of course, got loaded late at Point A and they needed this piece of freight at Point B first thing in the morning. Well, to get from Point A to Point B meant going past the Brownsville, TN scale at night with an oversize load. Taking the “scenic route” around the Brownsville scale, a nice officer stopped him to ask what he might be doing out there. The nice officer was stunned by the driver’s answer. “What do you think I’m doing out here? I’m going around the scale!” He then went on to explain getting loaded late and the need for this load to be there in the morning. The officer was impressed with his honesty and was surprised not to hear the “I’m lost” story he thought he was going to get so he let him go with a verbal warning. I wouldn’t advise trying this today.

Making check calls to your company or your broker with a load of produce is common, but when this driver made her check call after loading apples in Yakima, WA this broker had a laugh at this driver’s innocence. She commented about what a pleasure it was to talk to a nice broker. He told her that unlike the big companies, they ran a small family orchard and that it was with what they grew between the rows of trees that really made them their money. And she said, “Really, what’s that?” He replied, “Cannabis.” To which she said, “I’ve hauled a lot of produce, but I haven’t ever hauled that.” He then promptly put her on hold, we think to finish laughing. When he came back on the line, he told her to call again in the morning. The next morning, she and her co-driver went to McDonalds for breakfast. On the way out she asked, “What’s cannabis?” He looked at her and asked where that had come from. She told him about the broker and he explained to her what it was and that the broker had probably gotten a good laugh.

We haven’t been there for years, but years ago there was a truck stop in Bakersfield, CA that had quite a reputation for ladies of the evening working the lot. When a friend of ours heard an offer on the CB, “I’ll do anything you want for $20,” he called her over to his truck. When she got there and started her pitch, he handed her a bottle of wax and a rag and told her she’d said she would do anything and he wanted her to wax his truck. The look on her face must have been priceless! Turns out she was an undercover cop, and I’m sure that was the last request she expected. No, our friend didn’t get busted, and he didn’t get his truck waxed either. She told him not to tell any of the other drivers what she was really doing out there and left.

Parked in front of their condo, these friends had spent all day waxing and cleaning their truck. That evening there was going to be a small car show in town and they’d been invited to bring the truck. About the time they were getting ready to leave, a small group of very happy young people walked up to them to admire the rig. After starting up the truck and turning on the lights, one young girl came up to the drivers side and told our friend this was one of the most beautiful trucks she’d ever seen, then asked, “Would you mind if I lick it?” Thinking she must be kidding, the driver said, “Sure, if it makes you happy.” But she did mean it and to the drivers’ amazement, she leaned over and licked a very clean front fender. Now, I love my truck, but I can’t imagine licking it. You just never know what might happen to make a great story to tell for years to come.

After checking some lights in Indiana, this driver laid down his test light under the truck near the brake chamber. It should have fallen right off when they started heading down the road, but no. About 2000 miles later, while getting an oil change, the mechanic came out from under the truck with the forgotten test light. His wife told me that he’s always doing stupid stuff. I still think it was pretty amazing that the light didn’t fall off after all that traveling. Their truck must ride really smooth and that driver must have some great driving abilities. Or maybe he just got lucky!

While waiting for his girlfriend at this truck stop, this driver was parked in the back row. Seeing her pull in, he hollered on the CB, asking if a driver for her company would like to have a good time. “I’m parked in the back row,” he added. He then pulled ahead to the center row. She parked and found him. As soon as she got in, he was laughing and she asked him if he’d heard that (explicative) on the radio asking her if she wanted to have a good time. He told her, “Yes, that (explicative) was me!” While he was still laughing, it took her a few minutes to see the humor in this joke.

Back in our dump trucking days, there was this old driver who worked with us. He never got in a hurry and just went along at his own pace. One day, at a scale, the DOT accused him of being overweight. After pulling on and off the scale too many times, he finally said, “Here, just weigh it all you want!” He then dumped the load on the scale.

At a truck show years ago, this driver was talking to the people in the OOIDA booth and ended up joining. He felt that this was the only organization doing anything for the drivers. After joining, they gave him a hat pin, pens, patches and all the other little things you get when you first join. In the next booth was the DOT. The officer in the booth had been listening to the conversation. When the driver stopped at the DOT booth and asked what they were giving away, the officer snottily told him, “Rulers – why don’t you take two, one for each log book.” The driver replied, “Fine, I’ll take three,” and walked away.

At a rest area in Nebraska, this driver got out and used the phone without telling her co-driver, who thought she was sleeping in the bunk. Luckily, the driver glanced over and saw her on the phone before pulling out of the rest area. This lead to a heated discussion about leaving a pillow or something on the seat or on the steering wheel so one would know that the other had gotten out. It wasn’t long after that, the driver who had made the suggestion to leave something in the seat didn’t. Not knowing he was out of the truck until she saw him in the mirror, she grabbed a couple gears and made him run a little to catch up and teach him to follow his own advice next time.

Another driver wasn’t so fortunate. She got left in the rest area. Coming out and seeing that her truck was gone, she asked another driver for a ride and to see if he could catch up to her husband. Imagine his surprise when he looked over at the truck passing him and he saw his wife in the passenger seat. She got on the CB and asked him if he’d forgotten something back at the rest area.

This female driver got a real lesson in temper control after this incident. Getting pulled into a scale, the officer had her pull over to do an inspection. Out in the lot, while inspecting her truck, she heard him make a comment about her being a woman (this was a long time ago). When he came out from under her truck, not thinking clearly at all, she clobbered him and he fell to the ground. When she regained her mental clarity, she started freaking out, thinking, “Oh my God, did I kill him?” By now, another officer had come out and she was handcuffed and charged with assaulting an officer. He had made the provoking comment, but she learned quickly that didn’t matter. And no matter what some say about the DOT not being able to hold up your load, or becoming responsible for it, it’s not true. After spending a weekend in jail, she was released on Monday and has never let her temper take her to a place like that again. And let’s face it, attitudes towards women on the road have changed so much. Most women drivers today have no idea what it was like 20-25 years ago.

There are so many more stories about shippers, receivers, encounters with DOT and state troopers, but just not enough space here for them all. Maybe next time I’ll give the DOT guys a chance to tell the other side of the story. Maybe I can get them to share some wild stories they’ve heard from drivers and strange things they’ve seen out there. If you’ve been on the road for a long time, you are bound to have a lot of mishaps that at the time are frustrating, infuriating and embarrassing. But as time passes, most of these events merely become funny stories you’ll tell for years. And if you are new and don’t have a good (true) story yet, just wait – you will!