10-4 Magazine - For Today's Trucker

APRIL 2005 SHOW & TELL
HERE COME DA’ JUDGE
By Roving Reporter Suzanne Stempinski

You’re ready for the big show – or so you think. The judges are walking toward your truck. You can see them with their clipboards and paperwork. Your palms get clammy; your heart beats a little faster. You’re tired, you’re nervous and you really want to do well – maybe even bring home a trophy and earn some bragging rights. It’s all running through your head in a jumble, but the big question is, “What do these judges want?”

Let’s start with you. You’ve cleaned up the truck and yourself. You’re neatly dressed, your hands are relatively clean (even if the dirt seems permanently embedded in your fingers, that’s okay as long as you’ve tried), you’re ready to show off your ride. Greet the judge. If you’re busy chatting with friends, family, strangers who are complementing your truck, sponsors, potential sponsors, talking on the cell phone, whatever...STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND ACKNOWLEDGE the judge’s presence. This is absolutely critical. Even if the judges don’t want to talk to you, they want you to know they’re looking at your truck. Be visible and available to answer any questions they may have. If they’re judging your interior, they may ask permission before climbing inside. If you have a “no shoes in my truck” rule, explain it politely – offer to put a clean cloth down for the judges to step on if they’re squeamish about removing their boots.

Most judges start at your front bumper and work their way down the driver’s side and around to the second seat. So let’s take a look at your bumper and grill. Are they shiny? Have you removed all the bugs that splattered themselves on your front end? Are the lenses on your headlights clean? Those pesky water spots that collect on the top of your bumper and only get discovered at the last minute when you close your hood should be gone. If you have a finger-hold opening – make sure the grease on your hands didn’t collect inside at the last minute before you dashed off to get cleaned up. Are your front fenders clean and residue-free? Is all the wax off, leaving your paint gleaming?

We’re heading around the fender, looking at your front wheel, the axle, your oil pan, the ground underneath. Did you get the grease off your axle? Is your tire shiny black all the way around with the rocks picked out of the tread? Even if you didn’t paint your lettering, you should still have your tires rotated so the names are up and aligned all the way around. If you ran a hand inside that frame rail would it come away clean or dirty? The judge may have a clean white rag in hand to see how you did.

How’s your engine compartment? Is the inside of your hood clean? Does your wiring look like a bird nests in it? You’ll score points for wire loom and neatly bundled wiring. Are there visible oil or water leaks? Those are maintenance items that should have been addressed before you grabbed wax and polish. Clean ‘em up and try to minimize their visibility. Is your insulation torn or dirty? How’s your firewall? Dirt-free, we hope. Is that mud flap dangling from your front fender clean on both sides?

As the judge looks up past your firewall, what will he see – a sparkling windshield, both inside and out? Your visor – should be equally immaculate on both sides. It’s another good spot to have wire loom if you have a wiring harness that’s visible from inside the cab. Did you get a nice big rock chip on your way to the show? Maybe your competitor number will cover it.

The judge is standing on the ground, ready to look inside your cab. His eyes are just above your floor. Does your door sill gleam? If it’s aluminum, is it polished? Does your door edge look immaculate – including your door latch mechanism? Dirt collects in places we don’t normally think of – but the judges will spot it and deduct points. How’s your floor – spotless? Even behind the pedals. Remember where those eyes are looking first. How ‘bout your seat base? Even if it has a skirt on it – lift it up and clean, clean, clean. You take for granted that you’ll be grabbing a handle and climbing in. The judge doesn’t care that the top of your dash is slick as a baby’s butt if there’s dirt on your floor. Did you clean the grit out of your seatbelt base? That’s an often forgotten spot. Stick your hand in between the seat back and bottom cushion – not looking for loose change or pocket lint – dirt gremlins collect there, too.

You’ve done the obvious – your gauges are clean, your dash shiny. Are your waste basket and ashtray equally spotless? Does your cab smell of smoke or old gym socks? Even if the judge can’t see it, their noses know, and if the fragrance isn’t good, you’ll lose a couple of points. In fact, there was a truck that looked immaculate, but the driver suffered from unpleasant body odor and his truck reeked. The judges marked him down and in the remarks section of his score sheet noted that decorations didn’t mask the “dirt.”

Out of the cab and standing at the sleeper, the shiny tanks should be practically blinding. If you have sleeper light bars, make sure the back sides are wiped clean. If you look in the reflection from your tanks, you’ll see the underside of your cab and the back of your light bars. Surprise! Another dirt magnet. That clean white rag in the judge’s hand? Yep – it could go there, too. If you have tank fairings, they need to be clean on both sides. Trust me when I say that the judges will look.

Moving back between the tanks and your duals – look at your frame. If you don’t have a frame cover you should have gone to work with the power washer – and your “guts” look great. That touch-up paint you used to cover the road rash might make a difference. And your fifth wheel (if you’re showing bobtail) should be covered. If it’s not, it better be clean and grease-free. Do you think a grimy, grease-encrusted drive shaft looks appealing? No? Neither do the judges. They know that the truck works, but dirt and grease are not badges of honor! Look between your duals and check out your brake drums and axle hubs. No rust, paint not peeling, air bags painted on top and dressed in the middle – lookin’ good. Yep, the judges will look there, too. If you pulled off all your wheels to polish – make sure they were done inside and out. And once again – those mud flaps you’ve got behind those duals should be clean – on both sides.

Okay – did you think we missed your stacks? Nope – sure didn’t. Remember that ladder you wanted to borrow from your neighbor. That’s what it was for – to get you on top of your cab so you could reach lots of tough-to-get places. Those pipes shouldn’t be “blue” unless they’re powder coated. Shiny and spot-free, please. As long as you’re sitting up on your cab roof, if you have a whale tail, make sure you’ve scraped the bugs off it, too. Going blind from the glare? Good. A really sunshiny day will cause enough glare that if your polish isn’t perfect, the sun will forgive you. But if you’ve done your homework, it doesn’t matter if it’s cloudy or bright – it will be obvious!

Are your windows or tanks etched? Make sure there’s no dirt in the crevasses. If you color your window etching, make sure to wipe away any smears. Wipe up, touch up, clean up. Unless there’s something pretty unusual about the other side of your tractor, it will get a quicker look-see than the driver’s side.

Pulling your trailer? Okay – start at the front again. Cleaned and polished goes without saying. If your trailer sides are stainless, a vinegar/water mix will make it look great. Of course that’s long after you’ve cleaned the underside, including the cross-members and landing gear. DO NOT FORGET TO WIPE THE FEET on your landing gear – tops and bottoms. Wheels and tires – same treatment as on your tractor – mud flaps, too. That rear bumper? Clean. Back doors? Clean. Wiring for the lights should be bundled neatly and wire-loomed where necessary. If your trailer’s a flatbed or drop-deck, make sure the decking is spruced up.

So hang up the phone, wipe your sweaty palms and stick a smile on your face – you’re ready for your close-up. I hope to see many of you (and your smiling faces) at the numerous truck shows, held across the country, throughout the year – especially at the five Stars & Stripes sanctioned events held in Louisville, Boston, Las Vegas, Reno/Sparks and Grand Island in 2005. Good luck.