“This was the pleasantest year of all the life I led in this place; Friday began to talk pretty well, and understand the names of almost everything I had occasion to call for, and of every place I had to send him to, and talked a great deal to me; so that in short, I began now to have some use for my tongue again, which indeed I had very little occasion for before, in regard to speech.” – from Daniel Defoe’s Robinson Crusoe
As a child, you may have read the book or have seen the movie, Robinson Crusoe. It is a tale about an Englishman who is stranded on a desert island for over twenty years, most of those years, without another human being to interact with. It was, in a sense, like being in prison, but worse than that, it was solitary confinement. Robinson muses throughout the novel about his fate as a victim of a shipwreck, having numerous conversations in his head about his experience, but there is no other human to respond to him, as he is alone.
My reactions as a boy romanticized such an existence; living a life with no one telling me what to do, no one to answer to, but the message that author Defoe communicates is how we are such social creatures, that without others, we experience life as drab and pointless. We have all experienced loneliness at some point in our lives. Some of us have experienced a deep, profound loneliness. We may also feel that it is hard to connect with people who really understand us on a deep level.
To further complicate matters, we may also struggle with the stigma of being lonely, a concern that is particularly more significant for men, but also shared by women – a social expectation or pressure that we be independent, self-reliant, and that we don’t need others to feel fulfilled. This way of thinking really needs to be reconsidered, as there is mounting evidence that loneliness is a major health issue.
There are differences between being alone, feeling alone, and being socially isolated. I suspect that many truckers have experienced loneliness, and the long hours of driving alone may add to that feeling. It is fair to say that most people struggle with loneliness intermittently in their life, however, being socially isolated means having few or no interpersonal interactions and experiencing loneliness because of this void.
Last year the U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, issued a new report called Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. A key point of this report is that social isolation does the equivalent of harm to the body as smoking 15 cigarettes daily. It also cited increased risks for heart disease (29%), stroke (32%), and developing dementia (50%).
Clearly there is reason for us to act and deal with our feelings of loneliness. Here are some recommendations that may lessen feelings of loneliness. These recommendations can lift spirits and lessen depression, as well. Consider taking up a hobby that engages you and gives purpose (like gardening or reading). Or, better yet, choose something that increases your interpersonal contact (joining a bowling league or a cycling club). Find an activity that gets you off the couch, like walking, yoga, or swimming. These are all activities where you will feel a difference if you persist, and they can be with others, making them even more beneficial.
When seeking out new activities, look for pastimes that engage you and are fun and relaxing for you. Sometimes, this comes in the form of returning to an activity that you used to do, but gave up – knitting, drawing, painting, singing, or picking up that guitar that you have not played in ages. These activities will stimulate your mind and get you out of the brooding that we often feel when we are alone and isolated. Also, consider taking an adult education or college course. This will also bring you into contact with other people with similar interests.
Dance classes are also a good way to melt the loneliness, as is volunteer work at a local soup kitchen, library, or another helping agency. Adding a pet to your life can be stimulating and rewarding. If you are not a cat or dog person, setting up an aquarium can be engaging and can lift spirits. There are local clubs that meet and assist members with this type of hobby. Taking the initiative to talk with others may take energy and may seem awkward at first, but a kind word or compliment to a neighbor, coworker, or friend can be a first step to initiate a personal connection. Perhaps there is a friend or relative that you have not reached out to in a while. Making a phone call is a simple way to begin breaking down that isolation.
If you struggle to get these recommendations up and working, there are mental health counselors who can serve as coaches to increase your chances of successfully re-engaging with others. Think of a counselor as a life coach and consider making a counselor part of your team toward a healthier, less-isolated lifestyle. Just like Robinson Crusoe, rising to the loneliness challenge takes effort, however Crusoe did not have access to many of the tools and resources to get reconnected that are available to you. He had to depend on fate to bring his man Friday to his desert island, unlike us.
~ Dr. Terence P. Hannigan is a licensed psychologist in New York and New Jersey. He is a semi-retired psychotherapist who works with both couples and individuals. Trained as a Counseling Psychologist, his focus is working with healthy people who want to use psychological principles to improve the quality of their lives.
