“School is finally out, and the kids and grandkids are beginning to plan their vacations for this year, and they want to know when you are going to be home. They would like to stop by for a few days, so give me a date we can plan for them. And don’t give me any excuses about freight rates or factory downtime. We have so much to do before they get here, and I don’t know where to start. That room upstairs needs painting, the bath has to be fixed, and we really should clean the…” WOOOAA! Stop already. If this sounds familiar, then maybe this letter is for you.
This month’s article is a letter I wrote to all the loved ones out there sharing their world with a trucker. Some things may be hard to swallow, and I hope I don’t offend anyone, but some things just need to be said. My life on the road. It’s who I am. I’m free as a bird riding on the wind going where it blows me. That sums up the opinion most people have of truck drivers, and not just me, but all drivers. That’s like someone working at the bank being called a banker. Just because you count the money, doesn’t mean you have any effect on where it goes or who gets it. Trucking is a complicated trade. Notice I didn’t call it a job because it isn’t.
What trucking is can be defined differently by as many people as you ask. A “ truck driver” can describe anything from the local UPS delivery person to an over-the-road (OTR) long haul trucker, delivering specialized freight to Boeing Aircraft. The point I’m trying to make here is there is not a single definition of truck driver. Drivers are as different as the freight they haul and the equipment they move it in, however there are some common issues that bind us together.
I think all of us have seen the “LIFE” stickers on the back of cars and pickup trucks. You have to laugh at some of them, like the one on the back of a worn out Chevy pickup that says “Beach Life” – and then you notice the license plate frame from the middle of nowhere Kansas. Seriously, OTR drivers do live a lifestyle that is totally consumed with truck things. Trucking is LIFE! Our day starts with trucks (pre-trip inspection) and ends with trucks (the post-trip), and everything in between is logged on duty. Not too many other occupations have that strict of requirements for workers.
We truckers are highly regulated and held to a standard of professionalism few can live up to. I once had a doctor tell me I would make more life and death decisions before lunch than he would for the rest of his life. I was shocked by that statement, so he went on to explain how every time I (or you) get behind the wheel we assume a huge responsibility. That responsibility manifests itself in our driving style and ability to control events around us – or not.
I already see the blank stare and confused look on a few faces wondering, “What does this have to do with me, the loved one?” When it comes to a driver’s ability to handle his/her rig, not much. However, the mental state or condition of awareness is why I’m writing this letter to you. First off, let’s start with the fact that truck drivers are human, too. That’s a pretty simple statement, but one often forgotten and overlooked by the very people we are trying to serve. Sure, we put up a good front and try to act like nothing bothers us or makes us mad, but if you really believe that, let me sell you a bridge in Brooklyn. Try to remember, your words hurt – maybe not at the moment you say them, but we truck drivers have hour after hour to reflect on our previous conversations.
We are acutely aware of the time we aren’t at home. This occupation can be financially rewarding for a family, and also very stressful for the driver. And not just long haul drivers, local drivers can have even more challenging times, because of the time required to transport themselves to and from their workplace. Rest is a precious commodity. How and when we get that rest is something you, our friends and family at home, can have a big impact and influence on.
Did you ever stop and think about when you argue the most with your partner? That’s right, most often it’s when we should be preparing ourselves for work – that time just before we leave the house. If that driver works a 10 or even a 12 hour shift and they start out by leaving the house agitated, their day will be affected. If they work the night shift it’s even worse. No one wants to be responsible for endangering someone’s life or damaging property, but distracted driving can be the result of a driver’s “guilt complex” caused by his home life. Don’t look all surprised – you had to know. I know your driver never said anything to you, so once again, that’s why I’m saying these things.
We’re all trying to please someone, be it the boss, the banker, the dispatcher, and the list goes on. The important thing is not what causes the strife, but what can be done to make sure this stress is avoided before it causes an issue. I only wish someone had told my loving wife this 35 years ago when we were trying to start a family, go to school, and develop a company – all at the same time. Too many drivers try to burn the candle at both ends and end up getting burned-out, instead. There is a limit to our overall endurance, and we all have a breaking point. I’m reminded of that now as I sit here waiting for a receiver at 3:00 AM so I can give him $85 for the privilege of removing three pallets of freight from my trailer. Then, go on to the next stop, and start all over again. But that’s just life on the road.
For most drivers, me included, we are not living the trucking life that is portrayed on TV or in the movies, where drivers are all on vacation, sightseeing, and eating in lively restaurants. We are lucky if we can find a place to eat (or even park) to take our required 30-minute break during the day. Few people would call their spouse during the workday down at the factory if it was not an emergency. So, why call a driver all day long to complain about stuff he/she can’t do anything about? Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should, even if it makes YOU feel better. That puts unnecessary pressure on someone that is helpless to do anything, and ultimately can cause dangerous distractions.
Let’s jump to the OTR driver and their home time. Home time to me means not going through the rigors of meeting unrealistic timeframes for people who I already don’t like, because they have no respect for my time. I dream of the morning when I don’t have to roll out at 0-dark-thirty to stand outside a receiver’s door for thirty minutes in the rain. Let me sleep until I’m not tired anymore, or at least until the sun comes up. No, I don’t want to take the kids to school so you can sleep in. Sorry, that’s for the day after I get home. The same goes for “let’s go out to dinner” – not today. I have just eaten every meal away from my dinner table the whole time I was gone, and I would prefer Mac-N-Cheese at home over a big steak in a restaurant anytime. Again, that’s what the second night at home is for (maybe).
Can you at least try or pretend you are glad to see me? My home time should not just consist of all the things I can take down, put up, or move around while I’m off the road. I’ve been shunned, rejected, and abused the entire time I was gone, so it would be nice to be appreciated, even if it’s only for a little while. Also, would it be too much of a bother to fix yourself up a bit for me? I see pretty girls every day, but I’m coming home to the most beautiful woman in my world, so please try to play along. I won’t be here for long, and when I’m gone you can go back to wearing those sweatpants and sloppy shirts. This may feel a little harsh to the snowflakes who don’t want their world disrupted, but to us it can make all the difference in the world.
Do you ever wonder why so many drivers are not still with the person they started their career with? Probably a lot of reasons, and any one of them could have caused the breakup. I can only speak from my experience, and I realize how fortunate I’ve been to have a spouse that comes from a trucking family. There are times when you aren’t going to make it home to attend some event and it doesn’t matter how important it may appear. When that load of good freight going to the coast comes in and will take two extra days to deliver, I’m there earning the funds necessary to keep our household going. It won’t do anyone any good to keep pointing out how I’m not there for you, because I am. When I do get home, we can do things. The quality of time spent together is far more important than the quantity.
This brings up the subject of what does home time mean to the driver and how can all parties be satisfied when you leave? Everyone has visions of total recreation time, but let’s be realistic here, we all have responsibilities, but there must be some play time along with our normal family duties – all work and no play will make Johnny run away. I had planned to do some riding on my off time, and my wife and I even set a date and time for it. The only problem was, I planned to ride my motorcycle, and she planned on me riding the lawnmower. Something got lost in the translation, here. Not sure who was to blame, but we worked it out, and now it’s a common joke. I’m still thinking about painting that scooter of mine green and yellow and putting John Deere decals on it.
The lesson here: don’t take yourself too seriously. Learn to laugh at your problems, and they will be much easier to solve. It still takes two to tango, so don’t try to do everything by yourself. We often forget why we got together in the first place, and it seems the only thing we agree on is why we’re apart. Distance does make the heart grow fonder, but only if we listen and try not to constantly find fault with each other when apart.
It’s nice to have some play time, but there is always that “Honey Do” list. You know the one, “Honey do this,” and “Honey do that!” These chores need attention too, so let’s plan for that. That doesn’t mean telling me every night that the sink is STILL leaking. There isn’t anything I can do about it when I’m 1,000 miles away. You could call a plumber or go to the hardware store and get the parts to fix it yourself. Maybe if we prioritize the issues, I can knock off the worst ones when I do get home. Maybe if you need the plumbing fixed, you should call someone who does that kind of work. Try to remember, we drive trucks, that’s our specialty. Those other jobs could be done while we are on the road, leaving more time to do things that may enrich our relationship (maybe even a date night) when we do get home.
I know your special someone would never be this blunt, and hopefully you will appreciate that. Thank them for their thoughtfulness, reward their honesty, and above all, think about the positive impact you can have on their attitude. We all have to get our heads in the game. That starts with “Good Morning” and ends with “Good Night” every day. After four decades of truck driving, I still look forward to my good morning wake up call. The first voice I hear every morning is my lovely wife with some nice words of encouragement. It’s a simple act and a small burden on her, but one I have learned to look forward to. On the same note, I call home every night to say good night and wish her sweet dreams. After all, turn around is fair play. I try hard not to put all my problems on her shoulders at night, because it will put her in the same place I try to avoid – 1,000 miles away with no way to fix any of them.
Well, it looks like the lumpers are done fooling around in my trailer and the receiver has counted my inbound freight. Guess I better pay the bill and move on to my next stop so I’m not late (I don’t want to have to deal with another irate broker). But, before I go, let me leave you with a pearl of wisdom. I refer to “The Serenity Prayer” most days, not because I’m super religious, but because it makes sense to me. It goes like this: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
If this “letter to a loved one” helped you at all, I would be pleased if you passed it along to someone you think may benefit from it. Play it forward. We all win when there is a positive influence in the air. Here’s wishing all you truck drivers out there to “Speed Safely” until next time. This is D.D. Mitchell signing off. I’ll see you out there, and I’ll be waving a big hand to ya, 10-4!
