KEN'S KORNER - SEPTEMBER 2004
POLITICS OF DRIVING
By Author, Educator and Big City Driver Ken Skaggs

It can be argued that both major political parties want the same thing for America (jobs, security, a good economy, etc.), they just go about achieving it in different ways. The same may be true for drivers. While aggressive drivers argue with safe drivers about technique, they both do want to get to their destination in one piece and as quickly as possible, it’s just that they go about achieving that goal very differently. With all of the attention on politics these days and with emotions running high on all sides, I thought we could all use a good laugh, looking at the politics of driving.

On one hand, you have the conservative driver. He wants his vehicle to last a long time, so that he doesn’t have to buy another one so quickly. He drives easy, too easy some liberal drivers would say. The conservative driver usually drives a big vehicle, like an SUV or a tank. He feels he has the second amendment right to protect himself and his family, so he would never even think of driving a helpless little car or a moped. Never mind the safety of others, they can get their own tank if they want to protect themselves. The conservative driver worked hard for the money to buy his Hummer and nobody is going to tell him that he can’t have it. Besides, he owns the gas station.

On the other hand is the liberal driver who, of course, is driving a battery-powered go-kart or a bicycle. He is concerned about the environment and hates oil-burning, pollution-spewing, gas-guzzling cars - especially SUV’s. He is concerned about the little guy and can often be seen waiting patiently for another driver to merge in front of him. The liberal driver doesn’t think it’s fair that the conservative driver has a tank and wants the government to pass a law so that everyone has to drive mopeds, like him.

Then there’s the moderate driver. Somewhere in between the conservative and the liberal driver, the moderate driver wonders why all drivers simply can’t get along and just compromise. Depending on the issue, the moderate driver may seem conservative at times and may seem liberal at other times. In construction zones and heavy traffic conditions, he is usually more conservative. On the open road, he is a liberal all the way.

Then there’s the so-called progressive driver. He doesn’t want to admit that he is a liberal because he likes his limo and bodyguard. And he won’t admit to being conservative because he feels that they have a monopoly on the road with their large vehicles, plus, they are in cahoots with the price-gauging gas stations.

Then there’s the libertarian driver. He is mostly conservative, except for the fact that he doesn’t believe in any road rules at all. He feels that true freedom is without speed limits and government roads. He feels that a real free-market economy would allow him to drive everywhere, whether there is a road or not.

Then there’s the ill-informed driver. He knows nothing about the road, but still drives anyway. He pulls up to the voting booth in his 1973 Vega, smoking and chugging and still running five minutes after he pulled the key out of the ignition. Then, without a clue, he votes for the politician who wants to outlaw Vegas.

Then there’s the socialist or communist driver. He drives a government car to and from his government job and his government house. His anti-capitalist agenda prevents him from buying a better car. And besides, he doesn’t have the money for one anyway.

Then there’s the activist driver. His car has bumper stickers all over it, trying to convince other drivers to drive like him. He thinks he is the only one who gets it, and doesn’t understand why so many drivers are crazy. Of course, the activist driver is still in college and is heavy influenced by his teachers, his peers and the media. The activist driver may change his mind tomorrow, or whenever he gets around to actually reading the Rules of the Road.

Some drivers are natural-born leaders, while others are naturally followers. Leaders are usually found in the left-lane, cruising along at a high rate of speed, or on the shoulder getting a ticket. Followers are exactly the same. In today’s political driving climate, it pays to have a mind of your own (and a car).

If I left anyone out of this analogy, I didn’t do so on purpose. I tried to pick on everyone equally and write this without a bias. However, sometimes opinions show through no matter how hard one may try. After all, I am only human and as a result, do indeed have an opinion. So, before any of you try to read between the lines to determine my driving agenda, I might as well just come clean and tell you. My agenda is safety. I am anti-aggressive driving. I am pro-life for all drivers and pedestrians (except for those who disagree with me). I am for affirmative action (for good drivers) and negative action (for bad drivers). In other words, if you know a safe driver, tell them you think they are a great driver.

I have always believed in the American dream of safety, and anyone who wants to help my campaign, can. Regardless of age, race, or sexual preference, the safety campaign will go on, even without me, should I not win. I am running as a write-in candidate, for the office of trucking jargon. So, if you feel the need to drive in a politically-incorrect manner, then vote for the other guy, because a vote for me is a vote for safety. And remember this: a vote for safety is a vote against speeding, tailgating and aggressive driving. To make a donation or to read my previous speeches, please visit www.bigcitydriver.com today. Thank you.